…………..Self-analyzing……………

 What I am going to write now is a common thing to each and every one, trying to find our true selves once in a while, just trying to analyze our past and try to correct our present, and to think about our future. This is one of the hardest things, bcoz this self analyzing thing is not just thoughts, this is the thought process which talks about actions whatever I had done in the past, my fear, my mistakes  and my own thoughts, my good stuff…etc etc etc and the present and future too….

Whenever I am thinking about good things that I did, it always makes me feel good about me and I don’t think it is wrong! But this thought process of my disappointments and wrong doings. It makes me worry and ponder… analyzing our inner mind is very painful process, I do not know others accept this or not. But once in a while I do this, but this past few months, I stopped this self analyzing process. Because of that, I made some mistakes, which I can set right, but for that, I needed to go within my mind to feel the pain, anger, justification, and in the end the authentic truth. Could I come out fresh and could I make sure of myself, that I will not do that mistake again and most importantly, will I have the courage and the ability to accept the truths and get better by them………..

It is easy to talk and write than to experience all the feelings. I am spending time taking care of family, reading books, time on net, reading, commenting, chatting, writing, helping ppl who really need my help and travelling too …etc etc etc. I am doing ALL, except for the quality time to myself, ALONE. I blissfully have forgotten this self-analyzing thing and I merrily avoided few things, but to be very honest, some things I had done It never meant to be, that has all happened without any thoughts that are all unconscious actions, some with my complete conscious mind, and some of my actions got twisted bcoz of that past unconscious actions. That is why, I needed to correct my actions.

Humans have one fear in life that is, analyzing about them. Occasionally to get to know the real persons inside our mind and heart, of course it is painful besides very blissful to know about the real us. It is like we are seeing every time a new person inside us it is not us but us, may be my talk looks like philosophical or stupid or blah blah..but honestly I know what I am feeling. Generally, We don’t change ourselves every time but our good and bad habits changes periodically, that’s what I am talking about….. then again our basic character stays with us.

To analyze our inner self, first we undergo, justification, whether it is good or bad, we try to justify our actions, this is the main battle, we try to blame or praise others for our actions, and we try to justify all actions due to bcoz of others. Then the truth strikes then we undergo next process. Why we did this and that...etc this also leads to self-pity moods, we feel ugly, bad, and good. One of the good things about this is, we can truthfully analyze about our good things and bad things in this course of actions. Along with we can actually validate us, if we have the power to think rightly after initial hiccups.

After this painful process only, we can go to the next mode of thoughts. How to come out of this and how can we think rightly and do right things… it is not always easy to do good things or not to hurt anyone, which is not even possible. Except we can avoid some things and sometimes we cannot, for that we cannot take responsibility, but for most of the actions we can take responsibility and we can do better than this… that is the power of this self-analyzing process…freeing our sprit!

I am writing this not to prove anything, I am writing this because it feels so good to share and I already shared lot of things… this is a normal human thought process. I do not know whether I make any sense or not…but I don’t mind sharing my thoughts.